Heinessight.com:The official website of author Matthew D. Heines

News at Your Fingertip!

  Pick Your News!!! 

(Brief disclaimer: News stories and opinions featured on this page do not reflect any real opinions or facts. The people mentioned on this page are purely fictional and any similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

An Ode to Osama

Osama bin Laden now you are dead

you challenged America

now you are shot in the head.

They raided your compound

I saw on TV

They took your old body

and dumped you in the sea.

But your life was not simple

and we do not forget

you once fought the Russians

and you were our best bet.

We trained your men

we armed you with guns

back in the '80's

you were number one.

But you got cocky

with your defeat of the Big Bear

and you went after America

how could you dare?

They say you attacked

The Twin Towers in September.

We sure don't doubt it

we all remember.

But who helped you do it

I would like to know

Who else was in the cast

of your terrorizing show?

Was the CIA aware of your

devious plan?

Who is George W. Bush?

Was he your man?

They told him in August

beware of attacks.

The German ambassador

said "Man watch your backs!"

The big FBI man stopped

flying airliners.

But George said those people were

nothing but whiners.

So Osama you started two wars.

You said you would bring down America

and you completed your chores.

Now we are broke

no one will give us credit.

the Chinese and the Saudis

will our future edit.

So Osama, you did what you said

and now you are shot in the head.

But your family is rich beyond

their wildest dreams.

Thanks to you and your

outdated schemes.

The Bushes, the Cheneys and Don Rumsfeldt don't forget

are so rich now, the rain couldn't get them wet.

But Osama old man you are dumped in the sea

and what will your legacy be?

Besides the vast fortune you made for your

kind, you will always remain in our mind.

In a decade our two you will be on T-shirts, and bumper stickers too.

Maybe Nike will have an Osama shoe

Because the new poor will think you stuck it to the man, like that Che Guevara in Bolivia land.

They won't understand that you

were a puppet.

Just a bit player in a world of Muppets.

TheTea Party-Special-Ed Class of the Republican Party?

(Washington DC) Politicians, pundits and political strategists are scrambling to understand what is so appealing about the Tea Party movement to American voters. Theories abound, ranging from common sense to ludicrous.

   For example, some cite the fact that the membership of the Tea Party is mostly made up of working class whites, so they conclude the Tea Party has a strong appeal to racists who can't sleep at night while an African-American(?) sits in the White House. Still others theorize that the appeal of the Tea-Party agenda is due to their inability to comprehend the effect of eight years of Republicans and their plundering of the treasury.

   Another possible explanation for the party's succes is their inability to comprehend things like entitlement spending, the interest on the national debt and all the pork projects in their states they have had no problem with for the past fifty years that have to be paid for.

   The members of the Tea Party also fail to understand that the corporations backing the Tea Party are just using them to get back into power so they can finish the job of stripping America back to the third world, and not have any interference from the government while they are doing it.

   As a result of the Tea Party's succes, the Democrats are contemplating their own splinter party to accomodate their own 'What can the government do for me?' elements in their own party. Says a Democratic spokesman, "Don't forget, we ruined America too. The Tea-Party will soon be challenged by our new ethnically charged Colt Malt Liquor Party."

     A more realistic theory comes from, of all places, the Department of Education. "We are begining to reap the benefits of fifty years of dumbing-down the public schools. The corporations of America now have free reign to pollute, violate, poison and enslave the American people. Hell, all those idiots care about is who came in first on American Idol, porn and silly pet videos on Youtube, anyway," the spokesperson announced. "Most of 'em couldn't even find Washington DC on a map unless they were looking for the local Hooters."

     Hooters? Would someone save a seat on that short bus for me?

Blackwater in Talks with

the Taliban, Al Qaeda

Kabul, Afghanistan- Representatives for the private security company, Blackwater announced today that negotiations are underway with Taliban and Al Qaeda leaders in a secret location in the mountainous region between Pakistan and Afghanistan. When asked if the talks involved a possible peace deal, the company representatives answered, "Our talks with the Taliban and Al Qaeda concern our mutual need for security as well as a possible merger with the two terrorist organizations"

     When asked if that created a conflict of interest, since the Blackwater firm has a contract with the United States Government, the representative told reporters. "We don't see it as a conflict of interest. It just makes good business sense. We can share information with our U.S. clients and vice versa, so that we aren't re-inventing the wheel, so to speak, when it comes to tactics, intelligence and deployment of troops and weapons."

     When asked what motivated the private firm to initiate talks with America's enemies, the Blackwater representative responded, "We are a private business and we have a repsonsiblity to our stockholders. The Taliban and Al Qaeda have access to billions of dollars in U.S. Aid, drug and oil profits, not to mention their semi-annual bake sale in Karachi. We are just a small business trying to make a profit. That's the American way."

Uncle Barack's Cabin Opens to Mixed Reviews

Broadway, NY.- Audiences had mixed emotions about the modern adaptation of the classic novel by Harriet Beecher Stowe. In the modern version, "Uncle Barack" is tasked with saving the plantation owned by "Master" Masons, who has plans to replace the plantation's traditional slaves with undocumented workers from Latin America. As opposed to the traditional African-American slaves, the modern fieldhands are represented by Asians, African-Americans, Latinos and whites known as the "Good ol' boys" and the "Left-Leaning-Liberal-Lot."

     The main plot gets too complicated for many as the cost of running the plantation far exceeds the plantation's main source of revenue, fertilizer. For comic relief, there are sub-plots, such as squabbles between the whites and the African-Americans each day, while they are unaware that their positions are being filled by cheaper, harder working Latino slaves. There are also too many characters to follow, such as "Master" Mason's friends; "Slick" Petroleum, Bubba Banks and Greed E. Corporation. The production is full of emotions from despair to hopelessness, but the ability of "Uncle Barack" to keep making jokes through it all, makes it worth seeing, once. 

Older news...

Disney to Unviel New Cartoon Character

Orlando, Fla.- Disney top executives unvieled the latest in their long line of loveable cartoon characters. Joining the ranks of Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Pluto, Aladdin and the Lion King, the newly unvieled "Napalitono" will be making her screen debut sometime this summer.

     Says one of the top illustrators at the Disney Corporation, "Napolitono is a loveable cartoon character who will have audiences rolling in the aisle with her clueless demeanor, her comical features and her long list of laughable friends. 

   She combines all the elements of Disney Comedy from the Keystone Cops, Goofy and the Seven Dwarves to Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck. She is the "top cop" in our latest theme park addition, "Homeland." Her and her associates, Mayor McCheney, Lieutenant Lou Tenet and others will have hilarious adventures trying to catch terrorists, drug lords and illegal aliens, only to be outsmarted every time in the funniest, and most laughable scenarios."

   "DisneyWorld in Orlando will be the first of our worldwide theme parks to add "Homeland" to its list of fun-filled family amusements. Visitors to "Homeland" will be entertained by Napolitano and her friends singing "It's a Dangerous World After All."

     The attraction will include a conveyor boat ride through the drug infested barios of the Southern United States, the Al Qada strongholds in the Northern United States and end with a vertical rise of 75 meters during the "Housing Bubble" portion of the ride and then plummet 150 meters as the thrilled tourists experience the "American Economy Dive."

   In an unprecedented move, Caucasian, Black and Asian visitors will be charged $100 dollars per ticket. Latinos and Middle Easterners with no identification will be allowed to enter through the back of the amusement for free. Says the Disney spokesman, "It adds a sense of reality to the attraction."

Barack Obama- Closet Republican, or Minion of the Prince of Darkness?

     Washingon, DC-Sources inside the Democratic Party are showing increasing concern at the growing unpopularity of their man in the White House, President Barack Obama. According to a Democratic Party spokesman who chose to remain anonymous, "Obama promised us a happy world of ice cream dreams and lollipop streams, but so far, he has given us four more years of George W. Bush. We wanted peace and responsible government that would work for the people and now we have an endless military commitment, astronomical deficits and no taxes to pay them off. The only people who are doing better are the rich and we just can't seem to figure it out."

     On the other hand, Republican Party officials are elated at the unpopularity of the President. Says one party official, "We spent the last eight years handing over the country to the corporations and we really took a beating for it. Now it's the Democrats' turn." 

     When asked if Obama was a secret "Manchurian Candidate" thrown into the Presidential elections to play the role of "good cop" to George W. Bush's "mentally challenged cop," by the GOP, the Republican official replied, "Manchurian Candidate? uh, I'm pretty sure Obama is from Chicago. However, if anyone were to take a good look at Obama, he is a successful lawyer, a devoted husband and a dedicated father. He is virtually a self-made man. He preaches self-responsibilty and he cares about the United States and its people. Does that sound like a "born-with-a-silver-spoon-in-my-mouth" Democrat to you? If the American people listened to him and are stupid enough to believe he is like the rest of the whores in the Congress who are for sale to the highest bidder, well, the American people will soon get what they deserve for their stupidity."  

     When asked what that was, the official declined to comment, made clinking sounds with some chains and then referred us to the Washington DC lobbying firm of Beelzebub and Associates, L.L.C. 

     A spokeswoman for Beelzebub and Associates, L.L.C. one, J. Ezabel, denied any involvement with any presidential campaign since 2004. When asked to comment on the firm's influence on Obama's election, the spokeswoman,  simply replied, "We have lots of client contracts on file in our  office. It would violate the attorney client privelege for us to say that one public official was not a client, since most of them, in fact are. How do you think we get our banking, energy and defense spending bills passed? Why do you think Sarah Palin got the VP nomination?

     At that point, the sounds of wailing and gnashing of teeth could be heard, someone said, "Hello Mr. Rove," and the line went dead.

Association of Colleges and Universities to Offer New Degree

New York- The United States Association of Colleges and Universities announced today a new program of studies in an entirely new field of academics. "BSology," or the study of BS and how it is used in the modern world, will be introduced as a major and minor program of study in colleges and universities across America.

   Says a spokesperson for the USACU, "In the Information Age, BS has become a tool for everyone from advertising and public relations firms to network news and political campaigns. Previously, BS Studies was divided between the disciplines of journalism, political science and marketing. Professors of BS were subordinated to these more established academic fields of study."

     "However, with the rise of the twenty-four hour "news" networks, talk shows and political analysis shows, there has been a rise in the number of professional BSers. The demand for experts in this field has reached the point where the USACU has deemed it appropriate to give it accreditation as a four year field of study."

    "In the future, advanced programs of study will make it possible to obtain post-graduate degrees in the BS field. In 2012, Harvard University will offer the first Master BSer degree, and in the following years Ph.d.'s will be awarded for doctoral BS candidates who have completed, or piled enough BS to fill a medium sized grain silo."

     Asked if there has been interest in the program, the spokesperson replied, "The response has been resounding. Twenty years ago, people were interested in facts and something called the truth. Today, the general public is so uneducated, uninterested, uninvolved and unemployed, they just want to hear what sounds good. Nobody cares if something is true or not.

   "In fact, we have had interest from the fields of law, economics, medicine, the military and auto manufacturing. We have also had a number of inquiries from established BSers, asking if they could recieve credit for the BS they have already produced, or if they could offer their experience as lecturers to the future BSers of America."

   "Now, more than ever, America runs on BS and the colleges and universities are waking up to that fact."

     Other countries interested in starting their own BS programs include China, Italy, France, Iran, North Korea, England, Denmark, Russia, Serbia and Libya.

Editorial

The Solar Power Conspiracy-Nobody Gets a Free Ride.

By Matthew D. Heines 

     I believe in solar power as the key to saving us from a lot of our problems. I have invested a few of my nickels and dimes, but never seem to be able to turn a profit. With all the "conspiracies" out there, I am led to ask the question, is there a conspiracy against solar power? Why do power companies lean (no pun intended) toward wind turbines when it comes to generating renewable energy? The answer is simple, wind generators are very expensive to build and maintain. Like their predecessors, nuclear reactors and the water driven turbines that are used in dams, power companies can justify high electricity rates because of the high cost of setting up the systems.

     Solar power, on the other hand, does not require massive machinery with large moving parts that require expensive and frequent repairs. Solar power is basically free energy, once the initial investment is paid off. So how can a power company justify high electricity costs to consumers who know they are selling power they got for free? They can't. That is why companies like GE are spending so much on wind-driven technology. Power companies also know that consumers will be screaming unless power companies around the globe are able to produce a very large bill for the set-up and maintenance of their power systems, in order to justify to their customers why they have such high electricity bills.

     So, does that mean if power companies were to use solar energy, your cost would go down? A simple look at history will tell you that is probably not going to happen. Those who have monopolies to produce power will charge whatever the market will bear. It is not like the government is going to do anything to protect the consumer from price-gouging. If they did, they wouldn't be getting their annual campaign contributions, or jobs, or positions on the boards of these companies after they leave office.

     I admit, this is a rather simplified version of things and I am sure my lack of statistics will leave me open to all kinds of criticism, should anyone actually read this. However, I do believe there is a way out for the average consumer. It is called solar power. Once you install a solar power system in your home, you will have to pay for a few years, but the increase in the value of your home added to your free energy, the excess of which you can sell back to the power companies, makes solar power a definite must for homeowners. With President Obama's upcoming alternative energy initiatives, possibly there will be considerable tax breaks and financing for your investment. But don't expect to hear this from the old reliable media.

     The choice is all of ours to make. There are already thousands of homes in the US powered for free. Then there are millions of homes and families who are dependent on the power companies to give them an affordable price for the electricity they consume. If you look at your electricity bill over the last five years, what is affordable to them is becoming less and less of what is affordable to you. Why do we put up with it? Because we are waiting for someone to tell us it is okay to put in solar panels. If you are going to wait for the government to tell you how to get your energy for free, you will be waiting a very long time. Go Solar.   

If you wish to link these articles to another site, please do so. If you wish to publish this article on another site, please make sure you tell people where you found it- M.D.H.

Taxing Times

Washington DC (Reuters) In a landmark decision the IRS has announced that money earned from begging is now taxable and must be declared as self-employment income and filed on form 1040-86. "The decision reflects the new American economy," said Sally Ann Pinch-Penny, an IRS employee speaking on condition of anonimity. "We know that people are standing on the roadsides in cities all over America begging for a few dollars to help them get a meal at MacDonald's." It was these people who inspired Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner to realize, "Hey, these people are getting money, and money is income. Income must be declared and income must be taxed."

  Because of the sheer genius of his insight, Geithner expects the new ruling to bring at least fifteen thousand dollars into the Treasury next year, roughly the same amount he owed in back taxes when he was sworn in as Treasury Secretary in 2009.

     Critics say that enforcing the new law will cost at least a million dollars and that there is no way to keep track of cash money given to winos and the destitute. "We have thought of that, and we are asking the American public to cooperate. Instead of giving cash, we are asking the public to make out personal checks to these panhandlers, but this is a short-term solution.

We are working on a forty million dollar program that will furnish the homeless with their own debit card machines which can be swiped as the driver is sitting at the intersection drinking his Starbucks and wondering if he or she will be standing at the intersection tomorrow."

     "The machines will be manufactured in China and sold to the American government therefore, allowing us to help the Chinese with their own unemployment problem rather than our own, which has been US policy since the Clinton Adminstration," Pinch Penny told reporters.

     This reporter asked, "Yes, but isn't it downright mean to ask people who have nothing to give to give up a meal just to finance the poor decision making of the rich who seem to be getting richer while the poor seem to be getting poorer?"

     "It has never been US policy to care, unless there is money to be made from the isssue. In effect, the US government does care. It cares that its citizens are obeying the law and paying their rightful share of taxes,"replied Pinch Penny.

     "What about people who are bartering, such as those who are willing to work for food?" This reporter asked.

     "We have another sixty million dollar program that will be in place in 2015, a year we expect to be especially tight," said Pinch Penny. "In 2015 you will be able to deposit a portion of the food you recieved for your work in special refrigerated dumpsters, where it will be sorted and distributed to various corporate entities who will re-sell it and provide us with a portion of the profits."

     Pinch Penny went on to add that the legislation is being written to make income earned from burglaries, robberies, drugs and extortion taxable and reportable as well.

The News is...the news?

 Most Americans who turn to the nightly news to get their information about local, national and international events are becoming increasing disillusioned with their favorite news broadcasts. More and more, what makes up the news broadcasts is; other news broadcasts.

   Says an unnamed source at an undisclosed network, "In the past few years, the news industry has had to face some new realities.  One of the most important being that network broadcasting stations are owned by just a handful of companies. Those companies also own the companies that advertise on the network. Since news, if reported correctly, has a tendency to educate people about the world around them, news reporting can seriously damage the corporate bottom line, especially if people are thinking about things other than the products they see advertised. To offset this dilemma, we try to feature news that includes our line of products or diminishes the public's view of the competitor's products. For example, we may run a feature on Dingle's, America's favorite potato chips and how popular they have become in some third world hell-hole, where the local population has been led to believe they are an acceptable subsitute for their traditional diet. We may also run a story at the same time about how the competitor's chip has been linked to birth defects, obesity and bone cancer. We can say that because we also own a lot of research and pharmaceutical companies." 

     An unnamed news anchor voiced disgust with the way the news has become dominated by the corporate bottom line. "The trend of the future is more advertising and less substance. The guys at corporate saw the success of shows like The Daily Show and the Colbert Report and realized; people don't want to watch the news and feel sad, they want to watch the news and laugh. When you see half a million refugees displaced, starving and freezing to death, your first reaction is to feel bad unless you see Jon Stewart waving a Big Mac at them and enjoying it while they sit in their squalor and misery. Then their tragedy becomes a source of laughter for the viewer, advertising revenue for us and the ratings go through the roof. We also found it much cheaper to have our interns watch our comptetition's news broadcasts, to look for anything we can take out of context and make jokes about. This strategy has made careers for people like Keith Obermeinfuhrer and Rachael Madaboutanythingthatdoesn'tpertaintogayrights."

So, as the world is changing, the news broadcasters and the corporations who own them are doing their best to adapt to the brave new world.

President Obama Confesses,

"It's all my fault."

Washington, D.C. A tearful president Barack Obama announced today that all of America's ills, from the Kennedy assassination and the Vietnam War to Watergate, the BP oil spill and the 1987 Seattle Mariners, are directly attributable to him, personally. The confession came after FOX NEWS aired video footage of Obama hiding in the "grassy knoll," firing torpedoes at an American destroyer in the Gulf of Tonkin and "jimmying" a lock at the Watergate Hotel with G.Gordon Liddy.     

     Furthermore, BP remote control cameras appear to have video footage showing the President in SCUBA gear, wearing a tie, planting dynamite at the base of their drilling rig, five miles beneath the surface.

     FOX News also captured President Obama in the Seattle Kingdom in 1987, apparently giving signals to a runner on third base, who was ultimatley thrown out at home plate.

     "I know it's all my fault," the President sobbed. "I wish those people at Fox News weren't so knowledgeable and professional in their approach to getting out the facts. Now I must apologize to America and ask for their forgiveness, especially for my involvment with the Seattle Mariners. I was sure they would go for the out at first."  

BP Announces Revolutionary Petroleum Delivery Method

London, England- Executives for British Petroleum announced today a revolutionary distrubution method for their crude oil products. According to a BP spokesman, the method has taken years of research and millions of dollars to develop. According to the spokesman, "Traditionally, getting crude oil to market has involved excess costs for shipping and transport. With our new method, known as 'Broken Pipe,' or 'BP,' the crude oil is delivered via the medium of H20 right to the customer's own shoreline. Instead of requiring the customer to drive all the way to the local service station for our petroleum products, they can simply spend a day at one of the scenic beaches along the picturesque Gulf Coast, and gather as much of our product as they require, along with seashells, crabs, dead birds and fish." When asked about billing, the spokesman replied, "Billing is the second half of the revolutionary process. We will bill the U.S. Government for the entire amount we transport to the Gulf Coast. Consumers will see a significant price difference as well as convenience in their ability to obtain the precious resource without the added financial burden of loading it onto a tanker, refining it, and then trucking it to the local BP station. " 

Washington DC- A Spokesman for the Homeland Security Department announced today that "Uncle Pervee" who became an overnight celebrity after his debut on a Cheech and Chong comedy album in the 1970's will no longer be allowed to fly aboard commercial aircraft.

    When questioned about the Department of Homeland Security decision, the spokesman made the following comment:

   "Uncle Pervee" reached his celebrity status, as we all know, by teaching children how to ignite their farts with a lit match.  After the underwear bomber, Homeland Security is taking no chances with any potential flammable or explosive chemicals.  A repeat  performance by "Uncle Pervee" aboard an aircraft could have disastrous consequences."

   The spokesman also added that comedian and actor Jim Carrey will also be added to the "No-Fly" list in the near future. "We all remember how he lit up that rip-snorter on the movie Dumb and Dumber.  It may seem funny in the movie, but not at 35,000 feet. If you know of anyone with a history of igniting their own wind, please notify your local Homeland Security office."

And in a related story...

Terrorist Bomber Seeks Endorsement

Detroit, MI-  Attorneys for terrorist suspect Abdulwatab Mcsomething or other, who tried to blow up an American Airliner as it was preparing to land in Detroit, are seeking endorsements from major manufacturers of men's underwear in order to bolster the young Nigerian's legal defense fund.

      Citing possible advertising slogans like, "Man, I shoulda wore Hanes," and "You'll get a bang from Fruit-of-the-Loom," the attorneys for the suspected terrorist  announced that so far, there have been no offers from the major underwear manufacturers.

     When asked for comments, spokespeople for  both of the underwear manufactures replied that the idea, was, like their competitor's line of soiled briefs, "in bad taste." 

     According to sources, the insanity defense plea will not be used by the attorneys, who instead are arguing that the explosives in the boy's underwear were residue from a chimichanga the boy had eaten at  an airport Taco Time prior to boarding the airplane. 

Wasilla High School to Honor Sarah Palin with Honorary Diploma.

Wasilla, Ak.- Officials of the Matanuska-Susitna Borough School District announced today that they would be honoring former Vice Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin with an honorary diploma this Spring.

     When asked why that would be necessary, since Palin had already "graduated" from high school in the 1980's, officials replied, "After Sarah was elected mayor of Wasilla, she and her group of political neandrethals cut the district's budget so much, we didn't have any space in the storage unit down at "U-Lock It" to keep hers, or thousands of other student's records. In fact, we have no real records that she even attended school here.

      "Since she has emerged on the national scene as a political candidate, the district has seen an unprecedented increase in enrollment from the children of like-minded right-wing neandrethals who have flocked to the area to escape the federal government, taxes, alimony payments and the New World Order.

     "Add to that, the sales of booze, weed, cocaine and methamphetamines to the reporters and TV crews who come up here to do stories on her have given the local economy a real shot in the arm, so to speak."

     "What is more, Sarah Palin has shown the students of Wasilla High School that there are more possibilites available to them than bagging groceries at Carr's, racing snowmachines and growing dope. Sarah has shown us all that even with a substandard education, and a possible history of inbreeding, with the right amount of oil money behind you and millions of people who are just as ignorant as the commentators on FOX NEWS and MSNBC, the sky is the limit."   

China Tells US "No Arm Sales to Taiwan and No Meeting with the Dari Rama.

Bejing- The Chinese Government warned the US today not to engage in arms sales to the Republic of Taiwan or to meet with the exiled Tibetan leader, the Dali Lama. When asked if the Chinese Government was so concerned about the military threat the weapons might pose, government officials responded, "Of course not. We bought the same crap a few years ago. We just haven't had a chance to copy it and sell it back to the Americans, or their enemies, yet. We don't want the Taiwanese to beat us to the punch."

   When asked about their concern over President Obama's plan to meet with the Dali Lama, the Chinese Government made an official statement.

     "The People's Republic of China conquered Tibet "fair and square" as you Americans like to put it. Any meeting with Barack Obama would be similar to Nancy Pelosi meeting with the President of Syria during George W. Bush's Presidency. It makes us look like we don't know what we are doing."

     When it was pointed out that the Dali Lama has been in exile since the Chinese invasion and is not technically a citizen of either China or Tibet, the Chineses government official laughed a sinister laugh and said, "You are all citizens of China. You will obey us or we will put lead in your children's toys and poison in your food...again."

   When asked what the reaction at the White House was to these alarming threats, the White House Press Secretary simply responded, "Yes Master. We shall be as the lotus in the pond, moving simply with the waves and the passing of time. We shall be careful not to disturb or annoy the dragon who holds trillions of dollars of our treasury bonds in one hand and our kahoonas in the other."

Editorial

 Why the Stimulus Won't Work-Historical Facts

By Matthew D. Heines

     I love America, and I think Barack Obama is the best president we have had since that old wise-cracker Abraham Lincoln. I know that Barack is up against it trying to pull us out of the mess we got into because, as Mark Twain said a hundred and forty years ago, "Our senators and congressmen are the best money can buy."

     The only problem with Obama's stimulus plan is that, like the road to hell, it is paved with good intentions, but is short on historical precedent. Over and over, Barack and the people at the Federal Reserve, and our superstar Republocrats (or is it Democans?) keep harking back to the last Great Depression, which was caused by the banks whose brainchild, the Federal Reserve, refused to issue currency to smaller banks when people tried to withdraw their savings.

     They justify the massive government expenditures by citing F.D.R.'s "stimulus plan" which, depending on which historian you talk to, had only a marginal effect on the suffering of the American People. In other words, it put people to work, but having millions on the government dole would have been disastrous, had it continued.

     Since nobody else seems to notice this glaring mistake, I would like to point out two key differences in the way things are now and the way things were then. First, when Roosevelt announced the "New Deal," we were not in debt. When President Obama announced trillions in deficit spending, that only added to the debt we were already obligated to pay back.

     In case we have forgotten, the idea was to borrow now and to pay it back once the economy got rolling.

     That brings up problem number two, and like number two, it's stinking to high heaven. People who seem to be experts on the New Deal, like Mr. Bernanke, seem to leave out one small detail, and that detail is a thing called World War II.

     When we went to war with Germany and Japan, unemployment dropped to almost zero as the working men of the country went off to fight (for fifty bucks a month) and we had to use women in our factories to assemble our war goodies.

     (Here it comes!) At the end of the war, Germany, Japan, England, France and Italy and to some extent Russia, HAD NO FACTORIES! (China and India were in the last stages of feudalism). America, which had gone virtually unscathed, was poised to sell its products to the rest of the world unchallenged for nearly twenty five years while the other countries rebuilt and we paid off our deficit.

     Today, we are taking that borrowed stimulus money, giving it to the large corporations and sending it overseas to pay for cheaper consumer goods, thus canceling out any new jobs for Americans.

     In order for the stimulus plan to work, we would have to either stop buying foreign goods and listen to the wealthy scream, "protectionism!" or we would have to bomb the living daylights out of every industrial country in the world. With George W. Bush out of office, that is not a very likely scenario. 

     In short, the stimulus plan was the largest transfer of wealth in the history of the world and nobody seems to have even noticed. With people who are that smart stealing from people as stupid as us, how can they lose?

     Someone once said, "Those who don't know history are condemned to repeat it." Might I suggest refamiliarizing yourselves with the concept of serfdom in Medieval Europe?

Paperback

 e-books