Heinessight.com:The official website of author Matthew D. Heines

Battered Husband

Domestic violence is no joke!

     A lot of people who know and/ or see my wife think she is the sweetest, cutest thing since chocolate chip Easter Bunnies. 99.99% of the time, that is exactly what she is. However, there are times when a wandering gaze, a wrong number, or a poorly chosen comment about a female's anatomy as she walks by and, in a flash, my sweet, loving wife turns into five feet of fury and destruction. Don't let that sweet smile and cheerful disposition fool you. She is trained in all the Indian martial arts, to include: Paneer Kadai, Rhoti, Paratha and even Masala Dosa. Her hands and feet are considered lethal weapons on three continents and Iceland. I hope that by looking at the pictures below, you ladies will understand that it is not only my undying love, it is my love of not dying that keeps me faithful to my princess, so you will have to look for your Prince Charming someplace else.

"I'd like to have an oar like that!"

           After marriage, always best to delete your old girlfriends.

Here, I am being worked over with a pool cue after commenting on the bouyancy characteristics of a passing tourist...

In this picture, my wife uses a club on me after I get a strange call from Julia Roberts.*

Near the Taj Mahal, she delivers a knock-out blow where Mumtaz' throne used to sit, after a passing Indian lady looked at me.

Here she is working me over with a hammer at the ancient city of Cumran near Salalah, Oman. I'm still not sure why.

Public swimming pools and beaches never bode well for me. 

The old ball and chain.

*Julia Roberts of Armadillo, Texas

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